desconectado

Nothing pisses me off like this song, but I'm masochistic like that.

This is such. A good. Song.

Regina Spektor - Oedipus Lyrics

I'm the king's thirty second son
Born to him in thirty second's time
Born to him the night still young
Born to him with two eyebrows on
And that's all I was wearing
When I woke up staring at the world

My mom had been around the graves of queens
But not at all a sex machine
She liked to keep her body clean, clean
Thought the world to be quite obscene
But she retired to her chamber
And we remain quite strangers

And to see me made her awful sad
And to touch me made her awful sad
And to see me made her awful
And to touch me made her awful

I'm the king's thirty second son
And all it took was thirty second's time
But a spoiled little prince I was not
Had a chamber maid and a chamber pot
And there's thirty one others just like me
There's thirty one others I can be

Someimtes I'd stand by the royal wall
The sky'd be so big that it broke my soul
And i stood on my toes to catch a glimpse
Of my mother's eyes and my mother's skin
And she retired to her chamber
And we remain quite strangers

And to see me made her awful sad
And to touch me made her awful sad
And to see me made her awful
And to touch me made her awful


And one morning I woke up
and I thought Oedipus, Oedipus, Oedipus, Oedipus
Then one morning I woke up and I thought Rex, Rex, Rex
Then one morning I woke up
and I thought Oedipus, Oedipus, Oedipus, Oedipus
Thirty two's still a goddamn number
Thirty two's still counts
Gonna make it count
Gonna make it count
Gonna oh oh

Thirty two's still a goddamn number
Thirty two still counts
Gonna make it count
Gonna make it count
Gonna oh oh

Long live the king
Long live the king
Long live the king
Long live the king
Long live the king
Long live the king
Long live the king
Long live the

I'm the king's thirty second son
There's thirty one others just like me
There's thirty one others on the way
There's thirty one others after that

Sometimes I stand by the royal gate
People screaming love and hate
And they scream
And they scream
And they scream
And they scream
Long live the king,
long live the queen

And to see me made her awful sad
And to touch me made her awful sad
And to see me made her awful
And to touch me made her awful

And one morning I woke up
and I thought Oedipus, Oedipus, Oedipus, Oedipus
Then one morning I woke up and I thought Rex, Rex, Rex
Then one morning I woke up
and I thought Oedipus, Oedipus, Oedipus, Oedipus
Thirty two's still a goddamn number
Thirty two's still counts
Gonna make it count
Gonna make it count
Gonna oh oh

Thirty two's still a goddamn number
Thirty two's still a goddamn number
Thirty two's still a goddamn number
Thirty two's still a goddamn number

Thirty two
Thirty two
Thirty two
Thirty two
Thirty two
Thirty two
Thirty two

Long live the king
Long live the king
Long live the king
Long live the king
Long live the king
Long live the king
Long live the king
Long live the king

I am I.

A revisitstion to an old saying. Not olde, mind ye, just one that sed to be preent. Used to be present withing my old mind.

I'm getting to a closer perception of self. Whoam I? It's not a hard quesion, anmore. It;s sill hard to answerm yeah. It's still hard to figure out. I don't know who or where I am, still.

I'm empty. But I'm still getting to soe knowledge. Some wisdon, much more like.

Will somebody please look there for me?

I'm obsessed with my mother.

I constantly need confirmation that she loves me. I don't think she does.

Well, whatever.

To write. I don't write, but I want someone to. I want a dhild to say, oh, oh, there is a nutm cracker in love, and the girl is a princess who was a little girl. The love they shared was a love for dancing lightly. They traded shards of glitter in the night and under the tent.

What am I even talking about? I have a need for innocence in the greatest degree. I need a heavenly something to feel like something in its bubbles of greatest blues and whites. Can you snuggle into white as a thing? Blue, dark blue, even?

Something, something.

HEY BITCHES.

God, I need someone. Somebody to understand me. I need a friend. A gal. Anything as long as it's a somebody who understands me. It's strange really, to think there could be someone out there who fits the description. It seems impossible.

I don't always enjoy a band like this, but well, I'm drinking. It's different from opiates or weed. Of course. Even though opiates are so much better, drinking is pretty addictive too. Alcoholism runs in the family.

Who wants to die for love? Die for a meaningless cause, meaningful in that it's more meaningful than meaningless life itself. It sounds immature of me, but I want it. So bad. I don't even know what I'm saying now.

What can I say? I am in the brainless mood. I've been SO dumbed down by the drugs that the drugs are the only things keeping my personality in shape. I am not addicted, but I look forward to it. I need new friends. I need a new place. I need something else. I need people who look to the meaning of meaning and existing. I need a philospher, I need a psychologist. I need someone who just sits and sleeps and shoots up and writes, and says, there is a better world. I need something. Else. I need a girl to tell me it's okay. Sssh. I need a touch. I need something that won't judge me. I need to be a child. I need for age to not matter. I need a ephemeral bubble of feeling and ecstasy in understaning.

Won't you join me in death?

Not on anything as I update this, for once.

There is a female voice that makes me feel like I'm in a forest. It's damp. The light is dim.

These things that cannot be illustrated. It can only be reached in that different state. Alone. In the fog, by the tomb.

Can't I just have one successful human relationship involving me being beaten to a pulp on a regular basis?

Artist: Lyrics
Song: If I Can't Be Yours (Thanatos) Lyrics
Now its time, I fear to tell
I've been holding it back so long
But something strange deep inside of me is happening I feel unlike
I've ever felt And its making me scared
That I may not be what
I (think I am)

What of us, what do I say
Are we both from a different world
Cause every breath that I take,
I breathe it for you I couldn't face my life without you
And I'm so afraid.
There's nothing to comfort us
What am I, if I can't be yours

I don't sleep, don't feel a thing
And my senses have all but gone
Can't even cry from the pain, can't shed a tear now I realise
We're not the same and it's making me sad
Cause we can't fufill our dreams (in the life)

So I must, let us break free
I can never be what you need
If there was a way, through the hurt then
I would fint it I'd take the blows.
Yes I would fight it but this is the one.
Impossible dream to love
What am I, if I can't be yours.

Happy anarchy is all I really crave.

Floating

Haunting

Deciding to be social doesn't necessarily mean you'll succeed at communication. I didn't realize how much of a bitch I was. Really. I pretty much feel like scum.

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP.

I'm an adult.

I can't fucking take this.

Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

Greenday - Sassafras Roots Lyrics

Roaming 'round your house
WASTING YOUR TIME
No obligation,just
WASTING YOUR TIME
So why are you alone?
WASTING YOUR TIME
When you could be with me
WASTING YOUR TIME

Well,I'm a WASTE like you
With nothing else to do
May I WASTE your time too?

Warding off regrets
WASTING YOUR TIME
Smoking cigarettes
WASTING YOUR TIME
I'm just a PARASITE
WASTING YOUR TIME
APPLYING myself to
WASTING YOUR TIME

Well,I'm a WASTE like you
With nothing else to do
May I WASTE your time too?

So why are you alone?
WASTING YOUR TIME
When you could be with me
WASTING YOUR TIME

Well,I'm a WASTE like you
With nothing else to do
May I WASTE your time too?

Artist: Ima Robot
Song Title: I'M A Bitch For You
Album:
[B u y " " CD]

shut my mind off to the riches of sin
i made a decision to make it all go away now
i'm a bitch for you

shut my door tight to the millions of people
that think they know
think they know
think they know
oh no, not them
cause i'm a bitch for you
oh, oh, oh i'm a bitch for you

take me up to the final ground
are you willing to please?
like a child being bored in a fire storm
are you down on your knees?
take me up to the final ground
are you willing to please?
being bored like a child in a fire storm
are you down on your knees?

take a reminder
remember the health
of all the things saving me
from killing myself
it's true, i'm a bitch for you

now dont go straight
or tell me to turn
or lead me to fire
and tell me to burn
oh, no, no
i'm a bitch for you
go, go, go
i'm a bitch for you
down on my knees
i'll be a bitch for you

take me up to the final ground
are you willing to please?
like a child being bored in a fire storm
i was down on my knees.
take me up to the final ground
are you willing to please?
being bored like a child in a fire storm
i was down on my knees.

down on your knees.
down on your knees.
down on your knees.
down on your knees.

now be a bitch for me
down on your knees
cause i'm a bitch for you
down on mine...

take me up to the final ground
i am willing to please
like a child being bored in a fire storm
i was down on my knees
take me up to the final ground
i am willing to please
reborn like a child in a fire storm
i was down on my knees

down on your knees.
down on your knees.
down on your knees.

your knees.
your knees.

What X-Day Character Are You?


Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

Not like me, but she is my favorite character. Well, I suppose I'm like her, but I'm nowhere as cute as her.

I understand now, the girl said something like, "It wasn't to kill ourselves, it was to destroy this world."

However..

Well, anybody who knows, knows.

alcohol = feelings.

Romance and I are not a very good couple at all. I can't think of a moment where I didn't cringe at the thought of being close to someone. There's a guy who has had a crush on me since we were in middle school, and hasn't given up. However, with the explosion of Myspace, I think it should be easy for him to find himself another girl. Especially with all of those "omgz ur hottsss" comments I'm seeing. And well, he is hot. It's all in the eyes. Now, I don't like him. I have to convince myself of that, because I'm not used to people hitting on me and I'm truly flattered.

My biggest problem is insecurity. I don't think I can ever be comfortable sharing my "heart" with someone. I also have some serious gender issues. If I could I'd be a guy. I'm planning on losing weight because I've already been told I look like a 14 year old boy.

Be my own dream boy and have my dream girlfriend? I live in a crazy world.

Myspace... I was looking at this girl's profile, the only girl I've ever kissed. I never talk to her anymore. It's kind of funny...

I was at a party.. I was sitting on the carpet alone; I didn't really want to be there. SOAD started playing, "Chop Suey". I was mouthing along and I noticed her looking at me. Before then she ignored me. The party girl announced that she wanted to walk to the park nearby. Everybody hung around, doing all of those dumb teenager things, and I watched, amused. Then that girl came over to me. "Let's make out," she said. That fucking surprised me. I told her "Okay" and she advanced. I was really scared, honestly.. I've never been serioulsy kissed. I kept making up excuses like my lips were too dry. SHe said that was fine, and kissed me when my eyes were closed. I was pretty pathetic after that, so I don't want to talk about it.

It was just a peck, but it felt wonderful.

Kisses. Interesting.

Do I feel.. pretty?
NOT YET
DO I really.. like me?
AS IF

What am I gonna do with my life?
nothing at all, darling, I'm a waster
I'm a waster lady, I was dead the day I was born
Baby, I was doomed since I was small.
I could've sworn, I would've been great
O World! I think I live to fall.

That's the last of it. The rest of the week's going to suck.

To offend anybody who'd actually read this, I tried to masturbate but I was too distracted by the utter sex of NIN to be physically turned on.